I was on my best behavior that day. Really, I was.
I played with the baby on the rug for hours. (Okay, at least it seemed like hours.) I remembered to bring a snack in the car for after school pick up. (I don’t always remember food and hey, I’m not always on time.) And I kept my cool when I was pinched, scratched, yelled at, and called names. (Admittedly not always the case.)
I drew the line when I was bitten. Twice. Bambina got handed over to Papa on that one.
Then I was told that I wasn’t a “fun mom” (Gee really? Strange…)
There are some days – when I’m tired, or grumpy, or wishing I had more time to myself or time to work, when I’m not at my best. And I see how my energy affects my little ones and can cause our household to spiral out of control.
Yet other times (like today), I did everything “right” and still – there’ll be days like this, they’ll be days like this, my mama said (sing it with me & The Shirelles.*)
I felt used, abused, unappreciated. I wanted to run away from home. Actually, I wanted to go home – only my home is here with these little rugrats. I wondered why I ever signed up to be a mom and when I could send them back.
So after my angels were in bed, I took myself out to my Healing Space, shed a few ‘poor me’ tears, meditated, texted a few sympathetic friends (#beenthere #feelyourpain #youarenotalone**) and put on a show that makes me laugh.
I’m guessing that if you’re a mom, you’ve been there too.
And you know what?
We’re amazing. You’re amazing. I’m amazing. Even my crazy-making wee ones are amazing.
Our children will push us to our very limits – and sometimes beyond, and still, we love them. They are their wildest, crankiest, moodiest selves with us moms because they know we will still love them. They will try their dammest to throw us off center when their inner world is off-kilter when really all they want is a rock to lean on and a tree under which they can shelter.
We do our best. We meet them as we can. We love them anyway.
What I know for sure is that to meet my children – my very strong-willed, emotional children – where they are and hold space for them, I have to be able to first meet myself and my emotions. I have to know how to love myself when I’m cranky or when I feel like I’ve failed at being a good mom, let alone a fun one. I have to take care of myself – deeply (and preventively helps) in order to take care of them.
This is a tall order given most of us were not given tools for dealing with emotion. And we were given the “take care of others first, yourself second” program that seems to go hand-in-hand with being a nurturing woman.
So when there are days like this, remember:
- YOU ARE AMAZING, no matter what your children say or if that pesky voice in your head says otherwise.
- YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
- YOU GOT THIS.
- Now go watch a funny show, take a bath, cry, call a friend, or eat some chocolate. Better yet, do all the above.
Then:
Love yourself. Love them.
Tomorrow’s another day.
Do you ever feel like a “bad mom”? What do you do when you’ve had a rough day with the kids? How do you meet your children and hold space for them? Share your tips and tricks below pretty please.
*Thank Goddess for my dear friend Janeen Barnett who sends the perfect pick-me-up at just the right time.
** See what I mean? She’s amazing. And did I mention she also started the coolest company & holistic health center?
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