When our spirits collided ten years ago, I knew without a doubt that you were the man of my dreams. Yet I had no idea the depth and richness our relationship would take after a decade. So today, as we mark the passage of another year on the day of your birth, I give you the greatest gifts I have – my utter appreciation and mad love for you. And these I offer with an open and grateful heart.
When my 30-year old self wrote my Dream Man Manifesto, I had a fuzzy, romantic notion of who my partner would be. While I did create a vision from the depths of my being, I had no idea about the nitty-gritty daily attention a healthy, loving, spiritual relationship demands. I’m amazed that I received so much more than I asked for or envisioned with you.
My younger self craved a partner that was centered in his own being, strong yet sensitive, and willing to grow and evolve with me. What I didn’t foresee is how much trust and communication and commitment is needed to truly nurture a marriage – to allow each of us to stretch and accept the inevitable internal and external changes, while still holding a joint direction in life.
Our identities and interests and jobs have all shifted. Where we live has changed dramatically, and more than once. The number of people and dogs who live in our house and look to us for love and care has increased many-fold. Our relationship with our parents has morphed. Employees have come and gone. Trees planted and chopped down. And yet, we are fundamentally two people who believe in the power of love. Who believe in our own strength and whole-heartedly cheer for each other. Who have found a way to navigate through all the transformation and emerge even more in alignment with our true essences, celebrating each other’s light.
Yet our relationship isn’t all rainbows and fairy wings. We allow and make space for the small fears and gnarly places within. I can’t tell you how much it impressed me when you apologized and admitted your slight obscuring of the truth the other night. That was a total manning up. So many men (or hell, women) wouldn’t be able to say, “I’m sorry. You’re right.” To see you speak from your heart and explain that your fear of me not liking or approving of your actions caused you to try to hide. How often do all of us tell a half-truth and then become defensive when it’s unearthed? And yet you choose total integrity and honesty. You saw how important speaking the truth is and then allowing me to have and take care of my pwn reaction. That was beautiful. Sacred.
Then to have you call me – so calmly and clearly – on the places where I pull back out of fear of losing connection to my inner creative space. To ask me to clearly communicate what I need, while still acknowledging and welcoming you when you return to our home. To invite me to be able to be present in our everyday lives, while honoring when I’m in another energetic space of creativity, hones my ability to walk between the everyday and the extraordinary with more skill and ease. Thank you. And it makes a warmer home.
Beyond our bubble of love, our relationship has expanded from me and you (and Kai) to me, you, and no-longer-a-baby makes three. It’s been deeply fulfilling to watch Shaman Boy move out of all-mama-all-the-time phase and into simply adoring his “Pwasie.” And to witness how present, and silly, and guiding you are with him. He simply could not have a better father. He is so blessed to have you in his life, already double the amount of time you had with you father.
I know you are not wild about celebrating your birthday, but I could not resist celebrating you. I cherish the day you came into this world. I cherish the day you came into my life and we grabbed hands and jumped into the unknown. And I cherish each day forward.
We will blink and one day be 90. (Well, you will be 90 and I will be a spry 75.) So as we slog and fly high, buy groceries and envision winning the cosmic lottery, as we snuggle and occasionally snarl, I remain ever grateful and ever yours.
I love you. Happy Birthday my love.