Life can change in a blink of an eye. This knowledge can cause you to contract in fear, wondering what “bad” might happen next and how you can protect yourself from it. Or it can expand your capacity for love, knowing that all you have is this day and the people within your life right now.
My life changed in a blink of an eye this weekend. And it is exactly what I have been asking for.
A few weeks ago, I had a Reiki session. My intent was to make space for what’s emerging within me: the nagual.
The nagual is formlessness. Connection to spirit. All the forces and energy that cannot be named. In physical form, a nagual is a spiritual leader, a shaman.
Allowing this intuitive, powerful side of me to emerge is exhilarating – and scary. It feels natural and inevitable, my true essence coming online, and it’s a deep shift, one that entails me letting go of playing small, to stop ignoring my inner voice. It involves grieving for the life I have known, one that feels safe and predictable.
This weekend my knowing said to stay home, don’t go to that party. I wanted a quiet night of making Christmas presents and enjoying our newly decorated Christmas tree. I also hadn’t taken a shower so I really wanted to wash my hair (the important things in life!).
And yet social obligation, wanting to be with my family, be part of the holiday party spirit overtook my quieter desire so I threw on a hat and went.
The party was perfectly lovely, but I just didn’t have the mojo to make introductions and small talk after a lingering heavy heart over Connecticut so we stayed for an hour and said our goodbyes. After a chilly ride home on our motorcycle, Shaman Boy and I raced to the rug in front of our woodstove to warm up and cuddle with Yellow Pup. Shaman Boy wanted to take a picture using my laptap… which slid off the chair and into the corner of my eye.
The consequence of not listening.
Freak accident or divine perfection?
6 stitches and a black and blue eye later, I am grateful and a little beat up. All is well. My vision is fine. And yet…
This small cut below my eye, created a big crack in my energy body. My skin split open and so did my DNA, my energy body, my spirit. Physical injuries don’t just occur on a bodily level, they are intricately connected to a holistic mind-body-emotion-spirit system. When we use our awareness, they help us shift more deeply into who we are meant to be.
As I sat meditating that night, I could see my energy body as an egg surrounding me. There was a crack in the upper right corner and universal life force energy was flowing in. My heart expanded. My gratitude exploded. The doubt about who I am drained away.
I looked around in this sacred space. Did I hurt my eye because there is something I don’t want to see?
No. I have been receiving many messages about the courage it takes to be seen. To expose who I am and what lives in my heart makes me feel vulnerable. And yet I’m choosing to do it anyway, and seeing that this is the source of my strength and power.
I felt the call to pull my vision inward. To slow down. Get still. Be quiet.
With all the craziness in the world – personal and afar, it’s time to become tender and soft. Time to put down the iphone, turn off the computer, say “not now” to social outings.
In other words, make space for what’s emerging in the midst of a full daily life and holiday plans. Saying “no” to friends and loved ones as graciously as possible. Saying “yes” to the quiet whisperings of my heart.
It’s time to be seen. Bruised and bloodied. But also in my power. Shining. Quiet. Sure.
Life can change in a blink of an eye.
How do you want to live today?
How do you want to love today?
How will you respond when life brings the unexpected, brutal news, heartbreak?
Life is so perfect in it’s own freaky way. It offers us the choice, over and over again, to choose love, to choose awareness, courage, compassion, no matter what is thrown our way. We cannot control what happens to us, but we can choose our response.
I am choosing love. Stillness. Light. Expansion. Courage. Compassion.
I am sitting with the fear, the doubt, the discomfort, the pain.
A fierceness is awakening in my soul, with a tenderness right by her side.
I’m going to get quiet for the next few days. If you don’t hear from me, perhaps you’ll understand why. Perhaps you’d like to join me in my stillness, to come out of hiding or go deep within in your own way.
I carry each of you in my heart.
May you be blessed with awareness and knowing in this time of dark and this time of light. Namaste. Aho.