Birthing. To bring new life into this world.
Then: it was a beautiful baby boy.
Today: it is a new way of navigating this world.
Six years ago come Friday I was giving birth to Shaman Boy. It was fast, easy, and intense, bordering on pleasurable. Breath-taking and beautiful. Sacred, divine. And yes, uncomfortable too.
This isn’t drugs talking. We gave birth at home, with a midwife, Shaman Guy, and a dear friend/mother/mentor deeply present. I’ve hesitated to talk or write about this experience since it’s so far from what most women describe or experience. Yet it is my truth. I gave birth, with pleasure. I gave birth, with little, but yes some, discomfort.
This week I’m in the midst of another birthing process – as so many of us light workers are. A new way of being is being birthed. One that knows her power. That sits in the light, lives in the flow. Is relaxed, expansive, trusting. Operates with an open heart and clear mind, with certainty. This space is sourced by stillness, breath, integrity, authenticity.
For this birth to happen, we must let go of struggle and doubt. Let go of trying so hard and trying to figure it out. We must allow ourselves to enjoy this time and space. To deeply nurture ourselves. To embrace floating in our true essence, our true nature. We must rest in being. We must trust ourselves.
Quite frankly birthing a baby felt easier than this.
There are some days when I am in the moment, able to enjoy and flow between being of service as a mother to a child, a partner to my husband, a daughter to my parents, a keeper to our home, a shaman and healer to my clients, a connector and light worker in my community, and a resource to my friends.
In other moments, I am filled with doubt about who, what, where, when, how. I am frustrated that more isn’t happening now, faster. I question my action plan. I envy those who seem to be successfully making money; who have certainty. I feel pitiful for not being more grateful or confident in my life and my business. I watch stunned as deep-rooted beliefs and delusions of grandeur and personal importance crumble. I wonder if I’m crazy to think that being can be a basis for a business. How will I earn a living in this airy-fairy, trust the universe space? I mean, really?!?
Yes. Really. A new reality is being birthed. One that is balanced between action and effortless. Practical and spiritual. Infinite space and finite plan. I can feel the planets and stars aligning. I can feel the support from our wise ones and guides. And I can feel the grinding within me as this all is sorting out – from the far reaches of the galaxy, to deep within Mother Earth, on up into our communities and nations and families and individual bodies and cells. Earth-quaking, wind whipping, solar-flaring, water-churning transformation. A cosmic experiment, if you will.
Something deep within me is clawing to come out. The old way of being? The new way of being? Both? I do not know.
So I take solace in sitting still. Holding myself and all the conflicting emotion. In the moments when I do know just what needs to be taken care of – whether it’s planning a 6 year olds birthday party, or taking myself to yoga, or calling just the right person at the perfect time. I remind myself that I have given birth before – both to a human being and to a human who has evolved through many new ways of being over the course of this lifetime.
Six years ago come Friday, I dropped deep into myself, into an internal, wordless world. I knew only sensation. Intense sensation. The kind of sensation I’d experienced meditating on top of pyramids, only more physical. I couldn’t distinguish if it was pleasure or pain. I entered into a space where I was connected to breath and movement and knowing exactly what my body needed to do.
Move and flow. Surrender and allow.
I had utter faith and trust in the process. I could feel the wisdom and lineage of all the women who had given birth before me. I was one with my body’s innate knowing.
And so today, for as long as this birthing is happening, I drop deep. I surrender to sensation, welcoming the pleasure, the sadness, the pain. I breathe and move. I do my best to have faith in this process, in my wisdom, in my lineage, in my body.
I keep hearing: All will be well. All will be revealed. All needs will be taken care of.
This, I pray, is so. A-ho.
May all of our birthing processes be filled with ease. May we trust in the birthing.
(All the images are from a SoulCollage workshop I took today with KC Pierce. Many thanks to the artists and photographers who originally birthed them, to KC, and to my Light Worker friends who played by my side. You can birth some images of your own with KC, email me to connect with her.)