Hello Sweet Shaman Girls,
Okay, fine. I’ll admit it.
I am a little bit scared.
There. Said it.
I am a little bit scared for oh so many reasons. First and foremost is the fact (Shaman Myth No. 1 Busted) that shamans are not supposed to be scared, more often they are scary. So if you have come here thinking you’ll be reading wise musings of some big and powerful and all-knowing shaman, you clicked the wrong link. That’s thankfully why this space is called Shaman GIRL.
Girl as in I’ve still got some growing to do. And yes, I am finally admitting it, I’m a shaman. As in someone who walks with a foot in two worlds. Dances between worlds. Someone connected to spirit. Someone who works with light to heal. Someone who is tapped into source.
My worlds consist of my amazingly blessed life in suburbia with a Shaman Guy (husband) and Shaman Boy (son), plus two wonderful extras, a Kai (son from another mother) and Wren (daughter from another mother, but primarily girlfriend to Kai – do the math, work it out, today’s family’s are COMPLICATED, I know.) Oh, and we have big dog, Gorda, and pupadoo aka sub-woofer aka Juno. In addition to living in a town on the ocean that people come to vacation, we have another fairy tale house in the midst of the woods in the White Mountains. It’s beyond a good life.
More real to me than either of these sweet outer dreams is my inner one. This inner one is about peace and passion and purpose and speaking my truth and living in love and community and caring and expressing myself and God/universe/I don’t care what you name it and… and all the other sparkly good invisible forces that make the world spin. I have been on a mission for many years in many incarnations to focus on what’s important and meaningful in life. But before my life sounds like it’s all rainbows and pink sunsets and you start hating me too much…
Like pretty much everyone I meet, I find myself thinking quite the polar opposite of love and fairies (like wanting to strangle Shaman Boy this morning when, as I was kissing his face, he spit at me) on a daily basis. Okay, on an hourly basis.
Often time my thinking (or heck, even my actions) are not in alignment with me knowing who I am. I eat more than I’m hungry for and feel crappy or eat too much sugar when I’m tired instead of resting and get all yeasty. I espouse doing what makes your heart sing and not worrying about the approval of others, but then I fear that no one is going to read this or like it or leave a comment. (So help a sister out here and leave one!) I talk smack about being a mindful parent and then I have Shaman Boy watch “How Things Work” for an entire Sunday morning so I can loll about in my jamas, as I read and write blogs.
But here’s the thing. If I take the time to get really really quiet, I know. I know I’m powerful. And I know that I don’t always live up to my idealistic/truth dreams. But I refuse to quit trying. And I refuse to judge myself (for too long at least) about whatever it is I’m feeling. And I REFUSE to keep hiding.
I sometimes feel guilty that I have such an abundantly good life and I still find disappointments and hurts and ridiculous things to get mad about. That there are so many people out there struggling. And then I can also swing to the polar opposite and feel righteous and justified at living large. I mean we are inherently abundant right? I have heard that it’s inspiring to see someone be in a relationship with a man I ADORE and have great kids and be able to afford a bounty of good experiences. Why apologize for that?
Which is just my point. I’m human. Full of contradictions and figuring it out and worrying about what others think (sometimes) and learning to let go of what others think too. No matter how much money we do or don’t have, have much health, how many friends, how our children are behaving in this moment, or how our career is going (or if we have one… or if we can even name what that career would be called), we all have hopes and dreams and joys and challenges.
No matter what our opinions are, where we shop, whether we call ourselves Shaman Girls or not, we are all in this together. On another free ride on this trip around the sun. Miraculous. When you take a breath.
So wouldn’t it be nice to go through this wacky life together? Instead of us being jealous for what one has or doesn’t have, instead of judging for how we do or don’t do, instead of feeling separate and small, wouldn’t it be fun to have some Shaman Girl Pals to ride the wave with? To cheer each other on and say I hear you, and that sucks and that’s wonderful and this too shall pass, and just know that we are in this together? To find a safe haven from our families, friends, society, judgmental self-talk that finds this way of living a little cuckoo?
For most of my life I have tried to hide that I know. That I have intuition. That I can manifest. That I can heal. That I love fiercely from my heart. I’ve hidden from my family, from my casual friends, from myself. I’ve also hidden telling my story in all its messy glory.
But isn’t my story yours too? We might live in different places or have different problems yet inside aren’t we all the same?
Made of light. Human. Divine. Doing the best we can to navigate life. Desiring love to rule the day.
It’s time to shine Shaman Girls. I’m ready. Are you?
Here’s to another dizzying trip around the sun,