Been some gnashing of teeth around here as I ride through a storm of restlessness, blustery off-and-on inspiration, and questioning which way do I go? What projects sing to my heart, inspire others, and will take root in this world?
Yep, even though it’s winter out my window, I’m in spring. And I hear plenty of you are too.
Our internal energy cycles through seasons regardless of what’s happening outside, and it’s not tied into three-month cycles. I spent years in a winter phase, where my energy was primarily turned inward toward self and home. I hibernated and germinated and spent many a day wondering if I would ever have motivation and inspiration ever again. Ever. This phase was highly uncomfortable for a recovering overachiever. I wondered if I was going crazy and judged myself fiercely for not living up to my potential.
[Tweetable alert! Click to tweet.] We drain our energy when we resist or judge how we feel. And I was in big resistance and intense discomfort – letting go of old identities that no longer served me – until I accepted how I was feeling. I gave myself a break. It was okay to be nurturing myself and my family without winning stellar awards or gaining recognition in a career. It was okay to be messy and seemingly direction-less. I could explore whatever felt intriguing without it having to amount to mastery. Leaning on others was permissible too – my closest friends held out a lifeline assuring me that when I was ready, I’d emerge and create anew.
Whew! Relief. As soon as I accepted my wintery feelings, I actually started enjoying a quieter, less busy time with not so much socializing. I reminded myself over and over, “Be grateful for this time. This too shall pass. Your life won’t always be like this.”
Mmm-hmmm. True dat.
Now I’m in the middle of a spring phase. Ideas are popping up. It’s exciting… but also unnerving when the wind tacks and I’m suddenly headed in a new direction. There’s an impatience to see some manifestation and results (NOW, dammit! I’m done hibernating!) I can feel a deep yearning to be in summer – directed, strong, clear creation… or fall, reaping the harvest of all my efforts.
And then I see. Oh wait a minute. Be grateful for this time. This too shall pass. Your life won’t always be like this.
As soon as I accept how I am feeling now – rather gusty – and stop resisting or trying to push it away, the agitation lessens. I jump on the back of a gale of inspiration and laugh when I fall off before my destination. I snag another Jetstream and explore where this one will take me. I’m giving myself the permission and freedom to be all over the place testing out ideas.
Because soon enough, one will land and I’ll be catapulted into summer. So my intent is to check out each idea, each new direction until I discover the one (or ones) that bring me the most joy and inspire others too. All the winter hibernating and spring growth will be harnessed and harvested. All seasons have contributed to my self-acceptance, awareness and spiritual growth.
And hey – if all else fails, I could be the weather forecaster for the tribe – picking up on the subtle shifts of energy, sharing what’s to come, and reassuring all that we’re going through this together.
How about you? What season are you in? Post a comment below or on Shaman Girl Facebook.