Lean In

Lean in. This phrase has been popping out at me – off of Sheryl Sandberg’s book title, magazine articles, videos.

Lean in.

Lean in to life.

Lean in to the discomfort.

Lean in to going for what makes me feel truly alive.

Lean in to saying yes – or no.

Lean in to shining fully and sharing how exquisite I am.

Truth be told, I’ve been leaning back – just a tiny tad – in life, pulling back. Uncertain. Doubting.

Yes? You too?

The irony? There’s a tender space inside of me that knows what I want to do in any given situation – do I want to take a friend up on her invitation? Launch an ecourse? Eventually move to New Hampshire? Knows. Without a doubt.

It might take some sitting still and then testing out how my response sounds out loud with someone I trust before I am comfortable with my decision. But still, I know.

And yet I find myself leaning back away from my decision. I don’t want to hurt my friend’s feelings by saying no. I’m not sure how to start the ecourse so I procrastinate. I can’t wrap my mind around how I feel in my heart so I dig my heels in.

The Doubt Demon and its Friend Fear get in the way of following my heart. (Dammit!)

Yet when I lean in – that’s when life is exciting. It’s when I’m growing, getting to know myself better, letting go of the mental, emotional and energetic (self-created) obstacles that hold me back from living a life I love.

Our internal wires are a little crossed. We want “more” “better” “different” and yet we try to avoid the discomfort that comes with confronting our doubts head on. Growth doesn’t come without growing pains. [Tweetable!] We’re afraid to speak our truth. We’re afraid to fail. AND we’re afraid to succeed. We fear that what we want to do sounds crazy.

The way to “more, better, different” is through the discomfort and doubt. The way to intimacy is sharing how we truly feel even if we think our friend or lover might be disappointed or hurt. The way to success is launching a new endeavor. The way to creating a life you love is through letting go of what no longer works for you.

I have some burning desires in my heart. To share my message with the world. To make a living doing what I love. To whole-heartedly support myself, my husband, and our family in living in harmony with each of our true nature, shiny selves. I know, in that tender space, that these desires are manifesting.

Exactly how? I do not know. I feel like a puppy following a scent trail. I’m confident that I’m headed in the right direction, but I occasionally lose the scent along the way and have to double back to pick it up again.

What I do know is that leaning in – being vulnerable, open, in faith, willing to take risks, is what fuels my dreams and creations. It feels a little scary to shift my weight from the heels of my feet to the balls of my toes. Yet each time I catch myself and make this internal adjustment, I feel that ripple of excitement flare through my chest and tummy. I’m saying yes to life, yes to what I already know to be true within me. I’m meeting life whole-heartedly instead of half-ass.

Whew.

Deep breath.

What about you? Have you been leaning in or leaning back? What happens when you make that subtle internal shift and lean into a fully shining you?

Leave a comment. I love hearing from you – and knowing that I’m not the only one who’s playing with creating a life I love, through all the twists and turns along the way.

A big warm hug,